The real reason why you’re afraid of love and getting into a relationship again.
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All human beings share the same deepest longings: to know and be known, to hold and be held, to love and be loved, to experience connection without walls and expression without censors. And yet, when real love is staring you in the eyes, when a loving partner stands before you, you may notice a disconcerting urge to withdraw, to put up walls, or even to run. Love is scary. Believe it or not, it’s normal to be afraid.
Why Are You Afraid Of Love?
So many people are afraid of relationships because they have a fear of love. What lives inside of this urge is the subconscious awareness that to love means to open yourself to the possibility of getting hurt by losing the one you love or being rejected by them. If you pull back from the relationship, you limit the intimacy and, consequently, hedge your bets against the risk.
We have so many defenses to protect ourselves from the risk of loss. Some of these defenses are obvious and well known: We use sarcasm or dry humor to diminish moments of vulnerability. We create distractions like work and all forms of busyness. We constantly check our smartphones or become addicted to screens. And sometimes we simply drive people away on purpose. We may not realize it, but these are all ways the fear of love manifests.
Fear Of Being Hurt
This seems like the most simple answer, right?
You’re of afraid of getting into a relationship, falling in love because you’re afraid of someone coming along and hurting you. This would be so much simpler if people were honest and didn’t lie about their intentions. You wouldn’t have a fear of love if people didn’t lie. If people didn’t go out of their way to hurt others.
You’ve ben hurt so many times that you’re just sick and tired of the heartache. Now you want to protect yourself from this pain. You refuse to let it happen again. You’re not afraid of love or relationships. You’re afraid of being hurt. As far as you’re concerned: Prevention is better than the cure.
But you can avoid this pain. You can overcome a fear of hurt, love and relationships. You just have to know what to do and what to look out for. Find out if you’re truly ready for another relationship, learn to spot and avoid the wrong types of people.
Too Afraid To Give A Relationship A Chance
We’ve all been hurt, experienced rejection, ridicule, teasing, abandonment, and other experiences that have led to heartbreak and the belief that “I am not enough.” It seems almost impossible to grow up in this culture without absorbing this lie about yourself. Few people make it to adulthood unscathed from the overt and covert forms of rejection by caregivers, peers, siblings, teachers, or first lovers.
The belief is also absorbed from the culture itself, for it cannot be denied that we live in a culture of “not-enoughness.” The cultural message says: You’re not thin enough, curvy enough, muscular enough, fit enough, healthy enough, successful enough; you don’t have enough style, friends, or fun. In short, you’re just not quite right because you’re not enough.
Once the belief of “I’m not enough” takes hold, it determines many of your decisions regarding intimate relationships. And when you finally do meet a partner who is available, loving, caring, honest, and every other quality you’ve been waiting for, this latent, silent belief kicks in and the self-protective thought, “You don’t love him enough” or “You’re not attracted to her enough” is quick on its heels.
Now, instead of addressing your core belief that you’re not enough, you’ve made your partner not enough. It becomes about power. Control. Instead of allowing the relationship to deepen in intimacy with an unknown end, your fear of losing control takes over. The need for power over your heart kicks in. So you convince yourself to run, thereby controlling the outcome.
How To Overcome Your Fear Of Falling In Love.
It’s an incredible act of courage to love fully, it’s our deepest longing, yes, but it’s also our deepest fear. It takes a lot of work and one must find patience, fortitude, and commitment. Being scared of love and scared of relationships is a deep fear that takes time to heal.
Replace The Lies With The Truth.
You may know immediately that you carry the belief of “I’m not enough.” But for others, even contacting this belief can take a long time. Once you’re aware of it, the healing work becomes replacing it with the truth, which is, of course, that you are enough.
You are not without flaws, but your self-worth is not dependent on being flawless. You are worthy of love because you exist. Knowing this in your head and knowing this in your cells are two different experiences, however. So be patient with yourself as you ferret out the causes and ramifications of believing that you’re not enough and find ways of replacing that lie with the truth.
Make Peace With The Risk & Fear Of Loss.
Ultimately, the only way to love with your whole heart is to make peace with the possibility that you might get hurt. It’s our lot as human beings: Our time here is finite, and we will, at some point, separate from everyone that we love (even if it’s after a 60-year marriage). The ego believes the loss will hurt less if we shut down the passageways of the heart.
But it doesn’t work that way: Loss hurts no matter what. So you may as well love fully while you have the chance, and trust that, somehow, you will recover from the shattering heartbreak of loss.
It’s an interesting paradox: The more fully you love, the more deeply you will grieve when you lose the one you love, and the more likely it is you’ll be able to love wholeheartedly again.
There is no greater risk than loving wholeheartedly, and no risk more worth the effort it takes to get there.
I think 5:58 to 6:01 was my favorite part.
Just some random thoughts…
Maybe we just be…Doing too mucH. Thinking too hard… Love is simple but we over complicate it. Something…
SobeautifuL and.. Black and whitE.
Maybe we should sit back and analyze… Have you EveR sat back and just tried to have an open and honest conversation with someone? Cuz although it’s right there in your face, and u can almost taste it… Almost Doesn’t CounT.
Idk I was raised that whatever I’m doing, be the best and go full throttle. Even if I tiptoe in at first, I’m still going to jump all the way in. I think that’s one of the best things about me. I’m gonna always go hard, and have fun, and live my life, and I will never let my past take that away from me.
I don’t think that were supposed to let TPP and past hurt jade us to the point that were more than momentarily afraid of… LovE.
Otherwise we’d miss…The best parT of it. The part where we actually have a rhyme or reason for everything we’ve been through. The part where we can relish in the feeling that hey, the clouds strayed away for a sunnier day and fate brought me to you.
Why would we let an… Angel in disguisE keep us held up with the memories of the past rendering our hearts and trust now useless for the person that deserves all the good you have in you?
If you believe in love… You gotta believE fully. That fearfulness is an energy. And do we really want our auras to send out to the Universe that I’ll never fail if I never try vibration?? I think if we can’t trust fall… Nothing even matterS.
The other day I watched this lil boy tell this little girl to commere, he walked up to her and said I like you, you gone be my girl ok. And all she said was ok. I thought that was so cute and so innocent and simple.
It reminded me that everything we want in this world it’s already ours. We just have to manifest it down here to reality. It’s already written in our akashic records.
It made me think about all the times when I was younger and whatever I believed or hoped to happen, it would just happen. If I was running from the police and believed I wouldn’t get caught I didn’t get caught. The boy I liked always liked me back. Lol. If I wanted money, it always came, like somebody a pay me for my grades or I’d find money flying around in the ground, or a rolls of money on the ground. Or someone would pay me to do their hair or nails.When I believed I could make Varsity as a Freshman I did.
Even with cheering when I believed if I cheered with all my heart and might it would help the players, it did. They would come back like…we ain’t think we was gone win, but we heard y’all. Thank you. Y’all cheering really helped.
One of the points that I’m trying to make is that when we were little we did things without much reluctance and reservation. Like if you liked someone you just sent them a note like I like you. Do you like me back, and they always checked yes. The difference between then and now Is that we get too scared to even hope or wish for things. Were to damaged and traumatized to even tap into that manifesting frequency because we’ve lost our child like faith.
We’d much rather brace ourselves for impact and prepare for the worst. We unknowingly sabotage everything by doing that. Because the universe doesn’t understand that defense mechanism.
The Universe responds to commands which is why people do daily affirmations.
Were just out here with one foot in and one foot out… Half crazY. And sending mixed signals to the Universe and others.
And speaking of mixed signals instead of worrying about what could go wrong maybe we should sit back and wonder, am I really the type of person that would attract someone that would say…. No,no,no,no, nO when it’s really yes?
I think at the end of the day, no one really wants to get hurt and… NoonE wants to be on a… Mary go RounD. And everybody wants a happy home.
But in order to get to the happy home part you gotta believe it could happen for you. You gotta trust yourself and trust what you feel, and trust that you learned from your past TPPs. Cuz if your vibe says that you don’t trust you… What type of energy do you think you’re sending out? Nothing but an untrustworthy or unhealed vibration.
Even if you’re shy. Or you have… ButterflyZ cus you… Never felt like thiS. One could easily make themselves a… Caged BirD in a self imposed prison of fear. Sometimes all we have to do is give ourselves a pep talk and stop worrying about the… Cranes in the skY, and…FocuS on what’s right there.
Although, people may play games, the Universe doesn’t. This is why it’s so important for us to heal all the things that make us believe we don’t deserve something that we really do want. All the things that cause fear, or trigger memories of abandonment, manipulation, or misuse. We have to get to a place where we understand that anybody that did you dirty no longer deserves your energy. And … At your best you are loveD and worthy of that love.
Which is why I believe that its so important to call your energy back from all time, spaces, places, and people that it doesn’t belong with, on every level of existence so that you can be whole. And give theirs back so that you can just be you.
I believe that the Universe gives you what you radiate out. Whatever you believe in, think about, is what you attract. The Universe will say okay this person don’t want the gift, they want more TTP. This happens because the universe doesn’t recognize the fear of rejection, sarcasm or any other defense mechanism. It just gives us what we want.
Which is why I think it’s so important to heal especially the inner child. Healing everything we went through revives that child like faith. Which makes it easier to receive gifts from the universe. Because we can believe again, hope, again, create again, and trust again.
I think it’s okay to have these feelings but it’s good to work through them when they arise so they can’t fester.
Idk I understand that I control my energy and I do not give my energy permission to be fearful or sad or go to people or memories that I don’t want it to.
And all I know is if you don’t want to be… Single for the rest of my lifE, I should trust that the Universe will… Never make a promisE that it can’t keeP. I don’t believe that all signs would put something good in my face just to leave me… IncompletE. But I think we gotta be all in because the universe can’t recognize a… Poker facE.
But it does recognize mirroring. If you believe you can have someone to… Love u 4 lifE… You can. If you believe in… 1 in a millioN chances, you get them. But it’s important to figure out… What you really wanT from the Universe. Cuz if you have love in your face and you just rattle off… 25 ReasonS why it won’t work. Then the Universe looking like…well what chu want me to do???… U want me to stop? U want me to go?… Am I doing too MucH, not enough.?????? You wanna be a risk taker or you wanna always wonder what if?
Me personally can’t let no past experiences
ever keep me from trying to see about what I think is for me. If I try and it somehow doesn’t work out, THEN I say if it doesn’t work out then it isn’t meant to be… But never before I try and give my all.
Hey Angel, I just watched the video and albeit I think it doesn’t really apply to me given the fact that I’ve never been in a relationship let alone been in love, but yet I’m afraid of being in a relationship. This is due to many reasons that’ll take a good minute to dive into.
Now this may sound a bit pea-brained but, I don’t think that I could be in a relationship, like it’s just not for me. It’s really weird and kinda hard to explain how I truly feel when it comes to these topics. For instance, when I have mental conversations and I imagine myself in a relationship, I literally cringe lol. It’s almost embarrassing. It’s a strange phenomenon aha.
I turned 23 two months ago, and I’m a person who’s very much to themselves, reserved, enjoys my own company and introverted to say the least. I don’t necessarily feel the need nor desire to be in a relationship. But I must admit though, that I don’t feel like I carry the confidence to be in one. It’s really difficult to explain exactly to the T how I truly feel when it comes to these type of conversations. But I do agree with the video and the indept written analysis because I know of and have socialized with persons who do carry the sentiment of relationships through fear.
Nevertheless, great video as usual. 👍🏽
Are we twins? lol I’m the same way.
I honestly do not think there is anything wrong with the way you’re assessing things. I wish I had your mentality when I was your age. You’re very smart and staying single also has it’s perks no different than being in a relationship does. I have been in a relationship and I was even married for 22 years and as much as I love our children to no end, I really could have done without the marriage. I know now that I married the wrong man but my family is traditional and not only do we get married rather young (I was only 21), we don’t divorce no matter how bad things get. I eventually had to but it took me over two decades to do and when I went out there, I realized that there are many good men but PEOPLE CHANGE. My ex husband changed so much that by the time I left him, he was a total stranger to me and when I was engaged after that, the man I refused to marry was not the man who proposed to me. I’ve met some really good and independent self sustaining men who wanted me to become housewife. As much as I wouldn’t mind that, what would be the reason to do so once the children grow up. It’s as if men are afraid of an educated woman and those who aren’t want to use her as a money tree or they want to stop her growth. I have goals I’ve had since I was a child and the only way I seem to meet them is fighting about it with my (ex) husband or as a single woman. You’re probably doing yourself a favor however, if you DO decide to get into a relationship, I’m 100% behind you because at the end of the day, you are doing what is best for you and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. Either way, you are leading with your mind and that’s what I wish I did instead of leading with my heart. I wish you the absolute best.
Perfect timing! Thanks for the video, made me do a lot of inner work, and erase those limiting beliefs of love!
I already wrote you a long comment on your yt channel and even here I took up a lot of space commenting to our sister on this page here so I don’t think I shall leave a very long one this time LOL. Either way, I believe that you are completely right; at least in my case. I’ve been in relationships after my divorce and I’ve ended every last one and decided to just be me. My biggest fear is that people tend to change and I’m just not interested in giving another 2+ decades of my life to another chameleon. I fear that if I do, I’ll be too old to enjoy life at all because I’d have invested my life into another failed relationship so I don’t bother and I focus on myself and my goals. I just don’t think marriage is in the cards for me and I’m plenty ok with that :-).