“Women don’t want good men, they want thugs.” Do women really not like nice guys? Is it pointless being a good man?
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I’m sure you’ve all heard the following statements “Nice guys finish last” or “Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen”. Many men believe women don’t know what they want. Some men think women say they want the picket fence and family but what they really want is the “bad boy” who will break their heart.
Dating Gurus
All over the internet you can find videos of men telling other men that women don’t want nice guys. They teach them “the ways to get a woman into bed”. So many men now believe that women don’t want a good man. They sell books and self help guides that essentially teach men to stop being nice guys.
However, there here have been many studies that have shown this claim to be untrue. One found that women found altruistic men more attractive. Another found that women prefer men who are confident, easy-going and sensitive, and very few preferred men who were aggressive or demanding. Though they did like confidence and assertiveness, other studies have even shown that characteristics such as warmth, basic decency and warmth can make us appear more attractive, regardless of gender.
The entitled “nice guy”
There are also some self proclaimed nice guys, that are actually so far from being a nice guy. Just because you have a good job, a degree, or you don’t have a criminal conviction, doesn’t mean that you’re actually a nice guy.
I mean, it is kind of self explanatory: In order to be a nice guy, you actually have to BE a nice guy. Having a good job and no criminal conviction does not give you the right to be a total douche bag.
Then there are actual good men that get friend zoned. But here’s the thing, just because you’re a nice guy doesn’t mean she is obligated to find you attractive or has to date you. You might be genuinely a nice guy, but maybe you’re just not quite right her for her.
Women are confusing
Yes women are confusing…. But the main reason for that, is because ALL women are different.
Many men ask why women go for bad guys. Though I think more often than not, this statement is simply not true. Some indeed go for guys who they know will break their heart. This is a small percentage of all women — though I’m sure some men will disagree and say it’s more.
Some women simply didn’t know the person was terrible until it was too late. Narcissists, for example, are often perceived as very attractive when you initially meet them due to them putting in a lot of effort into their appearance and their charm.
Other women may have already fallen in love, before knowing they are with an abuser.
Bruh, you’re boring
Many men fall into the trap of believing being kind is all that it takes and in turn lack in personality. Who wants to be with someone that lacks substance. Most women like confidence and assertiveness (not to be mistaken for being domineering or controlling).
Predicability can get a little dull. I’m not saying you need to be outlandish but being less passive is a start.
You’re not that nice
Many men believe they’re nice guys, but they’re quite the opposite. Any guy who claims they’re a nice guy rarely ever is, they’re opportunistic. They leave out favors and breadcrumbs in the hopes of catching bait. But actual nice guys aren’t nice to get sex. Nor do they need to megaphone their greatness and accomplishments at every single turn because they are too busy being genuinely kind.
Don’t just say you’re nice… Prove it.
But it’s always more complicated than this. So watch the video to find out exactly why some “women don’t like nice guys”.
I’m not understanding how looks have anything to do with a person’s character. People can be attractive and kind just as easy as they can be unattractive and cruel. Why are we calling good men ugly? That’s implying that a man who treats his woman good is only doing it because his options are limited. Good men deserve more credit than that.
I actually said, that some women will overlook a good man if he’s not attractive to her. You also have to understand attractiveness doesn’t always have to do with physical attributes, which I actually stated in the video.
True, understood. Thank you for clearing that up for me.
Women just want a thug with 5 college degrees… that teaches Sunday School and is laundering money successfully 😁. jk
You kind of said everything that I was thinking in the description. The biggest one being that a lot of guys that think that they’re nice guys are not AT ALL…. they’re comparing themselves to the bottom of the barrel dudes and since they aren’t that they conclude that they’re the nice guy… NOPE… You’re an ass too…
…I’ve actually had to tell spirituality dudes like I think you’re worse then a regular dude… cuz u actually know better then the ish you’re doing…. but u do it anyway and try to justify it… I’d rather deal with them cuz at least I know what I’m getting… to me that was better than someone fake ASF.
I also think it’s important to understand that when a woman says “nice guys” that means different things for different women. Nice could mean anything from not a jerk, lets me do whatever I want, to just being very generous financially or just a real as person that fuck with me for me n don’t wanna play no games.
I also think that we generally start dating really early and a lot of the times we don’t have enough life experience the fully discern bad boys from nice guys.
Like we date who is around us or who we have access to. So when I was going through my lil bad boy phase it wasn’t that I was looking for someone to break my heart or disappoint me. I was used to dealing with drug dealers and gangbangers bc that’s what I was around. That is what was normal to me… that is who put me on a pedestal… that’s who raised me.
So in my mind it was like he’s not a bad guy… if he don’t put his hands on me.. lie… or cheat… and does everything for me. You’re just thinking that he is misunderstood like me… we get each other… we’re from the same place… we’re the same.
N it’s just conversations that don’t have to be had …cuz certain shits already understood. In that season of my life I thought that that type of shit was normal. I thought that’s what men did and if he didn’t… then something was wrong with him.
Then ok we learn and we grow…we get exposed to new surroundings… but it’s like you still look for certain things…idk… maybe it was like a security blanket… but it’s like ok if I date a different type of guy it’s just certain shit that he doesn’t understand and it’s like damn… why don’t u know this???… why I gotta explain this to you….??? Who raised you??? Where the fuck are you from??? idk… that gets old so maybe we go back with a different game plan…
Cuz one thing about it…. nice guys can be soooooo judgy and stiff….and just…closed minded.
In my experience they’ve also been incredibly insecure. If you’re constantly bringing up your past heartbreak… like everyday were talking about your ex that broke ur heart years ago… n u keep asking me if imma do that….
It’s like they be missing that thing within that makes people say fuckit… I got did dirty but I’ma move the fuck on….
Other reasons why I left nice guys would be the unbelief that yes I like you… yes I wanna give u a chance… why don’t you believe me??? They either talk themselves outta things or read me so wrong that I don’t even wanna try anymore.
Another big reason is the socially impairedness and the hand rape thing…. I can not😐😐.
I mean it’s kinda like you may go back to what you know cuz you can’t find what you’re looking for on the other side. Or like if you have a choice between two guys and the nice guy is acting like he’s the prize … like you’re supposed to chase him… she likely to choose the other guy bc he’s communicating and not playing games.
CONFIDENCE .
Nice guys have to understand that they can move like a fuckboy… so if you do something to trigger a past experience she had with a fuckboy she could just be at a place where she decides to get out fast and can’t afford to give out free chances with her heart.
I can’t speak for all women when it comes to looks but as for me… At first I didn’t care about looks but idk it was like my first boyfriend was really really cute(He looked like Bizzy Bone)…. n it was like I didn’t even realize at first… but then it was like females always wanting to fight me for him or like completely throwing themselves at him…
so then I was like ok I’m only gonna date the complete opposite of him… but after u get did dirty by someone who is not all that attractive … u just kind of say… neeeeeever again!!
Idk… I think it’s just really important to remember that everyone is at a different place in the evolution of consciousness and soul elevation… so what people look for it’s gonna be different based on the lessons that they have already mastered and are still trying to learn.
I’m a firm believer in if it doesn’t work out then it wasn’t meant to be. I don’t think it’s healthy to focus on what the opposite sex wants. I feel like people try to turn themselves into something that they are not based on other people’s preferences. I think it’s better to focus on self and try to figure out who you are and what you do and don’t like so that you can attract the person that you should be with.
I think it’s safe to say that women who have evolved in the oneness of themselves actually just want a guy that’s done the same Like a nice guy is someone who understands her love language and is completely himself so she can see who he really is and choose if she likes him or not.
Nice girls just want a nice guy who wants them back just as much… who she’s actually compatible with…. like someone who is just as tired of getting it wrong like her… n just willing to stick to the plan n see if they can get it right … together.
Oh and one last thought… if a man is really really a nice guy… no one should be able to successfully change you into a something else… He has to take some accountability for what he is attracting and learn from the past mistakes so that they do t repeat.
Like he has to be honest about what he was actually manifesting in his life. It never made any sense to me why Guys say no Golddiggers… but from their car… to the flashy everything…. they literally advertise for that type of woman…. then get mad when she she’s a suka and licks it….
Thank you Sir!
Great and Insightful Information!
I love nice guys, as long as they’re not boring.
The ones that make me laugh, are intelligent, supportive, respectful, have the same values, have achievable goals, good listeners, aren’t afraid to try new things, like my cooking, can fix things, do everything that I don’t want to do, and can carry me over rain puddles😂.
It’s not that they don’t like nice guys. They don’t like guys who use selective “niceness” to compensate for shit personality. They don’t like guys who are submissive and lack confidence… They want a confident, assertive, charismatic man, they want to fall in love with a person not “fall in love” with what the person does for them.
Love is not transactional and respect and politeness are expected not a bonus.
I want a Dwayne Wayne type of brother. 👀Can you do another Google chat on this subject??? ❤🖤💚
This argument is a bit simplistic. The question is, what makes a nice guy? Usually the real tea is men are behaving in a way in order to garner societal approval. I think the point is not to be nice or bad, but to be authentic. Because no person is one thing or the other. We all are a mix of traits. Like why do “nice guys” get bitter and angry when they are not chosen? Is it because they feel that a set of behaviors should entitle them to the attention of a woman? Also, why is no one talking about compatibility? If you are compatible with someone, you will be with them right? To that point, your comments on superficiality are def something to think about.
I bumped into so many a**hol** in my life, many of them posing as nice guys. They weren’t even always that hot. My ability to trust a guy, any guy nice or not had already been strongly damaged by the time I was 14 so when I met my first true nice guy at the age of 20, I just couldn’t bring myself to trust he was who he was and not another bad boy in disguise. I was looking for the catch… Especially when he said he wanted to marry me… He scared the hell out of me and I just ran… The issue is getting the right tools to help us decipher body language and behavioral patterns in the opposite sex, early enough in life but some parents won’t discuss these things with their kids. Mine didn’t. #unprepared
I dont like the term “nice guy” i use “high integrity” because it seems to me, moral code and character are not a factor in dating people in most cases.