Light Skin versus Dark Skin

Screen Shot 2015-08-24 at 3.49.25 PMWe’re no longer slaves right?
We no longer wear the physical chains of slavery on our wrists and feet, but the mental affects of bondage are still very much tightly shackled. In the Black community colorism is still a part of everyday life. For example a particular dark skinned female friend of mine condemning the rapper Kendrick Lamar for becoming engaged to a light skinned black woman….. HOLD UP!!!!! SHE IS STILL BLACK!!!!! Why are we even pointing out the fact that this black woman has light skin? How is that relevant? If there is a “Us vs Them” then surely she is a part of US.
The thing is within our own community we have this huge divide based on shades of color. I always found that strange because while colorism differentiates on dark, brown or light…. racism however, does not. Being mixed or light skinned didn’t prevent me from being called a n*gger. Do you think white people care about the distinction between shades? Black is black to them. You’ve seen it enough times through police brutality of black people regardless of their skin tone. light, dark or brown you’re still getting attacked and killed.
Why is it that light skinned or mixed black women are always accepted as BLACK by Black men, but light skinned or mixed black men are always having to fight their corner and prove their blackness. Are dark skinned Black men against Dark skinned Black women and light skinned Black men?
Ladies, have you ever heard a black man say “Dark skin women just look wrong next to me”? I remember hearing that once and thinking “What the hell?”…. Even though I myself as a light skinned man have a preference for darker skinned women, I have still dated women my own complexion and lighter and never thought “Oh her skin looks weird next to mine”… How is that possible? I actually like my skin, so why would I not like someone else’s skin who looks just like mine? Hypocrisy! I dated a girl my exact complexion for many years and actually thought it was quite beautiful that when we made love we blended into one. So I struggle to see how a man can think a woman his complexion looks weird next to him. That simply sounds like self hate to me.
A large majority of famous black men seem to have white partners. The question is are they simply exercising their right to choose, or attempting to exorcise their own demons? Generalized statements like “Dark skinned women are too angry”, “Dark skinned women are too ghetto”, “Dark skinned women are just unattractive”…. Since when did the color or shade of someone’s skin become a deciding factor on their personality traits? It’s like saying everyone born on February 14 acts exactly the same way…. No seriously it’s literally that stupid.
We’re all pretty much in agreement that colorism was started by white people…. But do we realize that it lives on because of US.
I’ve spoken to a lot of black women who grew to hate their skin. Notice I said “grew to hate”. They hated the way they were treated because of their skin. The hate itself was always fueled by darker skinned Black men. Do you remember the dark skinned girl who bleached her skin and then posted the pictures on Facebook a long with the caption “I sh*t on you dark skinned people… you really shouldn’t be proud of looking dirty… nothing cute about being dark and having dark tar babies.”? Yeah, what you’re thinking right now, was the same thing I was thinking when I read that. But was it her fault for feeling that way? Perhaps it was the society we live in. Her own community who continuously put dark skinned women down.
I have come to my own conclusion that the reason that dark skinned Black women are not celebrated like they should be, is because the majority of Black men do not celebrate them. We talk about the “White standard of beauty”…. But why are we still prisoners to this? If we KNOW there is a tainted view of beauty that has been set by people who look nothing like us, then why would we remain prisoners to it? Why not set our own standard of beauty? I told a friend of mine that I felt the reason black men say to darker skinned women “You’re pretty for a dark skinned girl” is normally when that woman is dark skinned but has eurocentric features. So the idea is that dark skinned women are only beautiful if they have white features, such as straight noses. I could be wrong, but lets look at the world of make up. Contouring to be exact. A huge population of black women are now walking around with chalk outlined noses to give them much straighter noses, straighter bridges etc etc. Pretty much every woman I see on the street now has the same nose. But notice it’s a straight eurocentric nose. So is it colorism or is it self hatred…. Body dismorphia maybe? Call it what you want. White men have preferred blondes over brunettes for years, but they never rudely dismiss the brunette women… In fact white brunette women were still celebrated in their own right. Black men however constantly seem to make the general statement, “Dark skin woman are just not attractive”
I read comments on my Facebook and instagram from black women that normally state “If our own men don’t want us, then there are plenty of white and asian men who do”, or “White men have always loved my dark skin and black features”….. Hmmmm now that opens up a whole new can of worms. Although some white men will genuinely love you for being you, black women… Please be careful of those white men who simply love your black skin… Not you… But your skin. Do NOT become a fetish. Sadly there are some black women that would choose to be fetishized…. as “something is better than nothing”…. An ex of mine said it over the weekend “I only date white men because they’re the only men that seem to approach me and appreciate me”….. Dear Black men, we MUST do better. It actually grinds my nerves when I write something about black women or colorism and a white man will comment “I absolutely love black women”…. That’s wonderful, but listen “Brad” this has nothing to do with you. But that’s a whole other post.
Black people, regardless of skin tone, we need to learn to love ourselves just the way we are. How are we going to win the war against racism if we’re creating a civil war based on the shade of our blackness?
There is nothing superior about being light skinned and nothing inferior about being dark skinned. You cannot cure internal colorism by creating your own colorism. Let’s not further divide what’s already divided.

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